Been thinking a lot today ... I managed to get quite a bit done today in the house, which I'm pleased about but one thing guaranteed to pull me down is the past ... No matter if it's mine or just in general .... I have a particularly bad past, I'm sure most of us do in one way or another if we're being totally honest ... No life road is smooth, things happen that change us, sometimes even define us to a degree, we get hurt, very badly to the point we can't even think of trusting another soul ever again .... That is what human beings do best .... Hurt each other .... It's a sad fact that you simply cannot trust easily these days ... We're for the most part, self protective and understandably so after the absolutely unforgivable things some human beings do to one another. However, the past is the past .... At some point we all have to learn to let go, for our own sake and for the sake of allowing something good to come along without fear it'll all turn to shit, or the past is still there haunting you. It's not fair on you or anyone new in your life .... And yes, it is really difficult .... But it's a necessity to allow healing, to allow self worth to return, to allow you time to reflect and understand and process what's happened to you and most of all to give you the strength to slam that fucking door shut and be done with it all ... I've always been taught from a very early age that you simply cannot live in the past ... Why would you even want to if it is that awful? ... I certainly don't want to live in mine .... The bad people are gone, they're only there if I choose to let them in and decide to view what they are doing, why would I want to do that? ... I simply don't .... They don't deserve my time and attention .... I'm only giving what I hope is sound and sensible advice ... I'm just saying what I would do, it doesn't mean that is what you should do if you're struggling to come to terms with a lot of pain someone has inflicted upon you ... I do understand these things take a very long time to work through, depending on the individual and the severity and gravity of what's happened .... But please know, at some point, now or in your future, you have to just let it go .... How can you possibly move on with it there on your shoulder all the time? ... Answer is, you can't. Please don't think I'm speaking from ignorance either .... I've had some outrageously shitty things done to me, in every way I can imagine and I've wasted far too much of my precious and valuable time trying to come to terms with it all, yes it is time wasted, time dwelling and looking back when I could have been enjoying time with those who do love me and want me in their life. These words may seem harsh to someone who is still in the stages of processing what's happened to them, it is very traumatic as well, I appreciate that .... After all said and done, I do, as I've already said, understand it does take time .... You have to get there for yourself, rebuilding and picking up the pieces of your life takes a very long time, you may find you're never quite the same again ... But you have to get that strength back, find yourself again and start to live .... Why? ... Because you deserve happiness, because no one has the right to steal your self worth, your pride and who you are and because we are a very long time dead .... Life is a blessing, but very short, some shorter than others .... Make every moment count, make every heartbeat worth it ... Because tomorrow will get here all too quickly, suddenly you're older, don't get too old and look back to realize you didn't even live because you got hurt .... Don't give that to the vile humans that hurt you, it's not them you're hurting ... It's yourself ... I guess I believe in Karma .... I don't even think on those who hurt me, I believe that at some point they will have to face up to what they have done, pay their dues ... Whatever ..... It's their problem .... Not mine. Yes the past pulls me down, but only if I let it and today I let it .... Tomorrow I won't be so lenient to my demons .... Happiness can only truly be found if you are able to let go of what has hurt you and made you sad .... Goodnight x
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