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Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Thank You 😘

It's been quite a while since my last blog, as you know if you've read the previous one, my beautiful mum passed away and I decided to put my big girl bloomers on and head back into the world... I went back to work, I tried to be as "normal" as possible given how heartbroken I actually am, I tried ..... I hopefully gave my sons as good a Christmas as I could .... But I just can't do life right now ... The depression and anxiety have really taken hold of me ... It hurts so much without my mum .... I just want my mum .... I want to hear her voice so much, I can't sleep at night as I lay awake thinking about her, or I'm trying to distract myself but in the end, it's still the same ... I miss mum, it hurts and I try to be as normal as I can but the pain of losing her isn't easing and I never expected it to ... In fact it hurts more every day .... 

This blog is titled thank you because without my brother and Maria, I know I would be a million times worse .... They've not given up on me even though I'm not talkative at all, I love hearing from them, I just struggle to respond ... I don't know how to do this, I need time to figure out where I'm going now without mum ... When my husband died, I always turned to mum ... Mum was there through everything, she even took on the role of Dad to my sons too ... We knew it, if ever there were a crisis, mum was there to help ... She had a wonderful gift of reading people very well too .... A gift I hope I now have too as I was shit at it back then LOL ... She knew when someone was taking advantage of me, very intuitive lady and very smart ... I wish I had her wisdom, she was so loved too by so many .... Her funeral was pretty much standing room only ... The service was beautiful, a service she would have been very proud to have .... I think she would be pleased with how it was all done and with her resting place ... I hope John and Maria read this because without them I would definitely be so much worse ... I've had clinical depression since my late husband passed away, I don't cope well with losing people I love, both in life and in death ... I have to learn to adapt to a way of carrying on with all this pain inside of me, I just don't know how yet but I hope to figure it out ... I'm signed off work for the rest of this week ... I think going back will help distract ... I miss Lynda too, I love how we get on well, we have coffee while we work, she's helped me so much and I don't think she really knows it ... I was so scared and frightened of going back into the world and working too and she has done wonders to help me feel like I belong somewhere and learn that there are indeed good people in this world other than my family .... 

On another note, I have been busy making tags and graphics in my free time, I've also built a web page in honour and loving memory of my mum ... Please call by if you have some time and would like to take a look round ... CLICK HERE ... I will also place the link in the tab bar at the top of the page too when I can .... Also I have added a shoutbox at the foot of my blog page, please feel free to say hello .. I'd love to hear from you and if you have any suggestions or requests ...

Big hugs and love for you all and thank you for calling by! 


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