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Friday, 27 January 2017

Update - 🤗

Just popping in to update my Blog as it has been a little while and I've been keeping myself busy building a couple of Wix websites, both links provided on the right hand side :) 

I went back to work this week and it has done me good to be honest ... I'm not moping around and although I'm still struggling to sleep at night, I am actually getting about 2 - 3 hours now instead of zero sleep at all ... Yes I am worn out but maybe I just can't sub consciously cope with death ... I was terrible after my husband died, my sons were still so young, I used to put them to bed at 8 every night and I would be sat up all night watching over them and thinking ... You kind of feel like this can't be real and maybe the person you love who's died will just come home and make it all better again by being back .... It's so hard to process something so devastating and for me, it just sets my mind racing into hyperdrive and then I can't sleep, my anxiety kicks off, then I wind up in a vicious circle ... Work breaks the circle but the thinking and dwelling is still a monster for me right now ... 

As far as my graphics go, I have made quite a few more, I am uploading them to my Wix websites and plan on blogging from my Wix more so than here ... I love being on here, I just feel this is connected more so with the illness Sarcoidosis, I know I blog about other topics too but when I first created this page it was to do with a view of purely blogging about sarcoid.....

I guess there's only so much I can say about sarcoidosis, it's very sad how many of my sarcoidosis family on Facebook suffer so much, are so misunderstood and I hear of death from this illness all the time, I've even had a couple of online friends die from it ... It breaks my heart that it does this, so little awareness coupled with so much misunderstanding of what is for me and many of us, a very painful illness, my sight is deteriorating due to eye involvement, it caused a mini stroke and loss of feeling in my face, I have heart problems, I have difficulty breathing after climbing the stairs, just things like this I tell no one about, just plod along like I'm fine as I can't talk to anyone offline about it ... 

I've known sarcoidosis patients commit suicide as they can't cope with the pain any more ... How sad is that? How awful to be suffering so much and to feel you have no alternative but to end your life to be free from pain and misunderstanding ..... 

Well, I think I've said enough, I don't wish to rant, we all try our best and more than that we simply cannot do ... I like to think on the good things, my family, my dog, my job and the fact that I do have so much to be thankful for .... Sarcoidosis - I have it but it will never have me. 

Massive loves and hugs, head over to my Wix HERE to catch up on my latest blogs and tags/graphics updates! Love you all 

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