Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Haven't Posted In Ages - Going Through A Lot Right Now

Hi and first of all, sorry I haven't blogged in quite a while but things have been very upsetting to say the least.  My heart just isn't in anything right now, I'm lost ... Completely and utterly lost .... My mum died after a period of illness and I just can't get myself together at all, I can't face anything, I try and distract myself, I try and make some graphics, I try but nothing is working .... My kids and Eddie dog, my brother and Maria and my family are keeping me on track but I sill am so damn lost .... The word orphan is horrible but that is exactly what I am ... I can't cope knowing mum isn't there if I need a cuddle, I hate knowing my phone won't show up her number any more now she's gone ... I'll never hear her voice again .... When a thunderstorm kicks off there'll be no one phoning to see if I'm ok as she always rang as she knew I'd be petrified ... I miss her.

I miss everything about her .... I miss her so much.

So ..... With that said, I don't feel like saying much more, I will get back into blogging as and when I guess, but for now, as I said, my heart isn't into anything at all ... I go through the motions, I breathe and I put one foot in front of the other to walk, everything is just too much.

I also wanted to thank all of my family and friends who attended the funeral last week .... I got to see all my cousins and all my Italian family, I hope you read this as you all mean so much to me ... I can't thank my brother and Maria enough either for how kind they've been to me, I needed them and still need them so much .... Sometimes I wish I had never moved away from London, the only good thing about living where I am right now apart from the beautiful scenery is my friend Cec ... She's a real friend, a true friend and has one of the kindest hearts I have ever been so blessed to know ... I'm so lucky to know her and to call her my friend.

Anyway, I have made some more graphics but this isn't the post for them, for now I'll leave it there and update sometime in the future when I can hopefully focus better and my heart is once again in something .... Just anything other than being consumed right now with grief and loss.

Please take good care of yourselves, lots of love to you and thank you for calling by! 

This one's for you mum!

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